this is who i am: 07/01/2004

Saturday, July 31, 2004

felt extremely weird last nite.. still dun understand why she hates me so much.. what did i do to hurt her so bad? i never meant to do it intentionally.. sorry.. anyway.. nationals are over.. guys got 5th and girls got 4th.. i'm happy for the girls but kinda sad the guys didn't get 4th too.. missed out by just a few points.. auggy's unfortunate mistake was such a waste but can't blame him.. competition conditions can really do harm to one's mind.. well there's still next year.. can't wait to start training again.. and this time i've got some personal goals to accomplish seeing how much progress i could make in just 1 and a half months.. but i'm really sad tt nick's no longer coaching us, although he's really harsh n all, i love his training methods i think it really produces results.. i wouldn't have done as well as i did if it weren't for him.. and although i never really got to thank him in person.. i'd really love to wish him a big thanks for being the great coach tt he is.. and well the stepping down of the seniors.. i wish them all the best for their prelims and As.. and our new coach, ted, i'm anxious to see what he's got in store for us.. i know i'm gonna have lotsa "fun" in his runs.. haha.. well i'm off.. gotta go do some stuff..

7/31/2004 10:44:00 AM

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

I AM FUCKING PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW... got damn it my dad is such a fucker.. i didn't wanna have to say this although i know i do.. but I FUCKING HATE HIM!!! today's really it.. i dun get it, why can't he just tell me he's formatting the other damn comp then at least i can cut my files into a disk.. oh yeah telling me to setup the damn cd writer is such an early warning.. i just wanna freaking move out.. damn it.. i can never have a gd day for once right.. there must always be some damn thing to spoil my day.. and i was quite happy with my results for nationals though i didn't make it pass heats.. dun feel like blogging abt it anymore.. i'm just so pissed off and my damn siblings are taunting me abt it.. if it isn't my sister's bdae today i would've kicked her head off like i kicked my lil bro..

7/28/2004 09:37:00 PM

Monday, July 19, 2004

[insatiable] feel like crap.. like super lethargic.. think i'm falling sick, so i took a pink slip and went home early today.. i know it sounds like some silly excuse to skip lessons but it's not.. gotta look after my health for nationals.. yeah anyway.. wonder wat the ppl are doing over at training.. wish i could be there.. anyway think i've improved slightly since sunday's water prac.. only slightly but i'm contented with tt.. mann.. another 9days to nationals.. nerve-wrecking.. oh well.. i think i'd better go get some rest and get started on gp package.. got a stupid test tmr.. damn i hate gp.. such a pain..

7/19/2004 06:47:00 PM

Saturday, July 17, 2004

[bad day] i had a bad day again.. i can just relate to that song by fuel.. oh well.. but yeah today wasn't a very gd day.. mann.. i just really suck at canoeing.. urgh.. especially when it comes to races.. i just get so stressed up during races and it just screws up everything for me.. really disappointed in myself.. perhaps i'm not really cut out for this.. well lets see how things go.. going down to kallang to row again.. and hopefully i'll be able to go get a more satisfying result.. i hate coming in last all the time.. shall have to do a lil race planning and stroke analyzing before i slp.. can't seem to get back tt stroke i did with the resistance.. tt was seriously the best 2k lapping i ever did.. got surge and glide and i didn't have balance probs.. well gotta do some visualizing later.. OUCH!! my whole body's aching like mad now..especially my back, i must be doing something wrong.. well i'll be off gonna do some stretching then prepare my stuff for pw and training tmr.. gd nite

7/17/2004 10:35:00 PM

Friday, July 16, 2004

[I miss you] been feeling terrible the past few days.. never have any mood to do anything.. just feel so lethargic.. dun feel like talking abt it though.. yeah anyway today's yet another slackish day in a series of very slack days throughout this week.. i've got a freaking lot of free periods.. i mean most ppl would be happy but it's to the extent of boredom.. anyway went to auggy's place to watch the video of our sprints and ash didn't record me in any of the sprints.. sheesh.. i know i'm not a favourite in the team but still i gotta know what my mistakes are right.. i'm still feeling a lil mentally drained, my brain is really tired from all the training and stuff.. hope i can make it through training tmr.. dun wanna die out and be subjected to the mental thrashing, i dun think i'll be able to handle it very well, my heads already on the verge of cracking from the pressure.. well i think i'd better get back to work, gotta do some more research work for pw.

7/16/2004 11:04:00 PM

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

OUCH!! my balls n back hurt.. all tt swimming is killing my tools mann.. must be the way i kick or something.. anyway today's training was pretty slack and rather fun.. the "water polo" game was rather entertaining although i couldn't see anything haha.. oh well.. but felt really weird after training and i still do.. i kinda feel really left out for some reason.. just like the same feeling i had when i was in sec3.. felt like i haven't got any real frens.. everyone else doesn't really like me.. maybe it's just me or maybe it's true.. i dunno.. just feels really awful.. wish i had someone i could talk to, share my feelings with.. guess my fear of getting too close to ppl is doing me some real damage..

7/13/2004 10:20:00 PM

Sunday, July 11, 2004

why..? man my backs killing me.. really shouldn't have done tt back thingy at gym.. oh well.. it'll get better soon enough.. training today was gd, although my timing is still not satisfactory enough for nick, still think it was pretty ok considering the major set backs i've been having.. and i dun have tt stupid stroke prob anymore.. but still got an inconsistency with my punching arm.. nvm i'll work it out.. and i was quite happy with my sprints just now managed to keep up with ash but lost out at last burst.. urgh.. guess tt's where strength comes in and i'm not exactly very strong or very fit.. i'm probably the weakest and most unfit of the entire guys team.. balls to tt!! the nationals are ever so close and i'm getting rather nervous.. i'm so not looking forward to getting last.. hopefully after the next few training i'll improve by leaps and bounds.. sounds almost impossible but i gotta try.. oh well.. gotta get my stuff ready for sch tmr.. looking forward to gym tmr..

7/11/2004 09:21:00 PM

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

[i wanna hold u, touch u, feel u always]just deleted all my previous entries.. guess tt i should put all tt behind me and live life as it is now in the present..anyway.. urgh! had a bloody bad day at training today.. my stroke is seriously horrible and i've got a new prob, and it suddenly appeared like out of the blue only today.. so irritating and it's so near the nationals.. i am so dead.. really think tt my training in the first 3mths was a bloody waste of time.. totally different style of stroke, physical training and different boat.. i seriously lack experience in my T1 right now.. i've rowed only like 10 maybe 11 times and everyone's pretty much settled into their boats except the junior Ks maybe and i'm like some newb tt just took up canoeing.. can't stand it.. and i feel so pressurized to perform up to everyone's expectations.. really very stressful.. and the fact tt i didn't do well for the terms is not doing me any gd too.. not tt i was expecting to do well but u get what i mean.. i really thought life would get better but new problems just keep popping up.. but at least i can say "I'VE GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A BITCH AIN'T ONE" haha.. or can i? come to think of it i do have a lil prob but it can be solved.. oh well.. gym training tmr.. fun fun fun!!! and tt nene nadim wants me to lead pushups.. must not die out man.. hmm i think i'll go plan my program for tmr.. nites

7/07/2004 10:33:00 PM