this is who i am: 09/01/2004

Thursday, September 30, 2004

[the ghost of you] morning world.. this is like probably the saddest morning i've had in a while.. last nite's was seriously the worst dream i've ever had.. woke up drenched in sweat again.. i just dun get it, why am i so affected by this? why is my mind playing such self destructive games on me? anyway decided to not go to sch today.. damn tired.. and i really need to study.. i'm just wasting time in sch with all the distractions around me..

somewhere beyond happiness and sadness
i needa calculate what creates my own madness

9/30/2004 08:07:00 AM

Saturday, September 25, 2004

[torn up inside]
part of me wants to but part of me just lacks the trust and confidence.. i just can't decide.. i admit the memories still haunt me when i'm alone with nothing else to think abt.. guess it's just a phase..

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did
It has not healed with time
It just shot down my spine
You look so beautiful tonight
Remind me how you laid us down
And gently smiled before you destroyed my life

Would you find it in your heart
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
Would you find it in your heart?
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
Would you find it in your heart?
To make it go away
And let me rest in pieces ..

anyway had math mock paper today.. totally sick!! like half the paper was filled with careless mistakes i could have at least gotten a C.. i really have to be more careful.. but it shows that i'm on the right track.. at least my math ain't as bad as i thot.. haha.. oh and i'm gonna buy a new phone tmr!! or more like later today.. i hope.. hahah.. my contracts expired so it's time to change.. but can't bear to part with my 8310.. so much sentimental value.. but gd thing i can trade in tt gd for nothing X430 of mine.. mann.. i hate samsung phones talk abt user unfriendly.. it's so quiet now, i can't play my mp3s cause i'm transferring the files to my other comp before i reformat it.. fx is so damn slow, should've used super link instead.. stupid virus totally whacked up my comp.. now i'm stuck using my lil bros.. it's gd to have a few comps at home can come in really handy in situations like this.. oh well.. i think i'd better hit the sack.. damn tired.. slept for only 3hrs the previous night after mugging for math.. gd nite everyone n god bless

9/25/2004 11:31:00 PM

Thursday, September 16, 2004

[lonesome] feel so lonely all of a sudden.. bummer..

Talkin about gats, traps, cops and robbers
It's 9-1-1, PLEASE CALL THE DOCTOR
Evacuate the building and trick the pigs
Since everybody wanna piece, we gon split ya wigs
See some fools slipped up and over-stepped they boundaries
You about to catch a cold, STAY THE FUCK AROUND FROM ME
Ya peeps talkin 'bout what kinda shits he on
You disappear like "POOF, BITCH BE GONE"
You think twelve gon catch me, GIMMIE A BREAK
I'm super-charged with the hide-away license plate
It seems they wanna finger print me and gimmie some years
They'll only get one finger while I'm shifting gears
I got suede on my roof. wood grain on the dash
Sheep skin on the rug, +Golden Grain+ on the stash
Hydraulics all around so I shake the ride
We go FRONT, BACK AND SIDE TO SIDE, WHAT

9/16/2004 05:36:00 AM

Monday, September 13, 2004

[wad a load of crap] haha.. wat a killer.. anyway shan't blog abt it.. i'm sure some of u who r supposed to know will already know.. anyway today's yet another fucked up day in sch.. not tt anything bad happened.. just hate going to sch haha..feel like just dropping out of sch and stone at home.. but tt's so wrong, i can't be a bum.. shall be a marine biologists n swim with the fishys haha.. especially a great white.. mann to see such a magnificent creature will be a dream come true.. another creature i'd love to see or even touch would be a king cobra.. 2 of the deadliest creatures on earth, humans are just so pathetic in comparison to them.. apart from our lil gadgets n gismos which keep us "safe" from them, we're abt as useless as.. i can't even think of something in nature tt's useless.. haha.. anyway ludacris's move bitch is really gd.. tt was seriously damn out of point but yeah anyway.. forgot to mention my lil juniors just been merged into the main band on saturday.. funny how i forgot to mention it in my last entry.. guess it was kinda insignificant to me but i know how the kids must really feel.. still can remember the time when i officially merged into the band.. it was one of the happiest moments in my life.. had the best times of my life in band.. ahh reminiscing abt the gd old days.. too bad i wasted my last yr.. ok i'm dwelling too far back.. i'm bored.. so dun feel like studying.. 21days to the blasted promos and i haven't studied a single damn thing haha.. i'm so screwed..ok shall go try n study a lil bit.. PLS LEMME BE ABLE TO.. haha.. gd nite everyone

9/13/2004 10:06:00 PM

Sunday, September 12, 2004

gd morning? haha.. it's like almost 1am right now.. yeah.. just got home from joanne's place not too long ago.. yes i'm sure some of u will be wondering wat i'm doing over at a girl's place till so late.. so lemme explain, it's her farewell party before she leaves for sydney next week.. so i guess it's only proper to spend a lil more time before she goes right.. well not tt i didsaid much cos i came kinda late too.. well i tried to get as soon as i could.. had formal dinner before tt with the seniors and ted.. sorry i couldn't stay longer guys.. well not tt i was really talking to the seniors.. kinda weird as usual the seniors will be at one side n juniors one side.. oh well.. at least we had a common topic for a while.. haha.. tt was bloody funny.. ssshhh.. secret k guys.. anyway hey jo if u read this lets meet up sometime next week before u leave alright.. like really sit down n talk haha.. just now was just so awkward.. oh n send me the pics u took just now, my cam went bust or i would've taken a few myself.. which also means something gd cos i can get myself a new cam.. WOOHOO!!! abt time to change, been more than a year already.. well i'm feeling kinda sleepy.. off to bed now.. gd nite ya'all

9/12/2004 01:45:00 AM

Thursday, September 09, 2004

[burning with rage] i'm bloody pissed.. urgh.. nvm shan't blog abt it.. i'm really turning into some bitter petty and psychopathic maniac.. sucks.. I HATE YOU!!! wish i had a punching bag right now.. and how appropriate got shove it on now.. anyway was gonna blog abt how nice today was.. like wat the fuck, had to spoil it at the end.. anyway went out with charles n lawrence for a lil pool.. i've grown really rusty, damn.. but lawrence is really not bad.. then charles n i went to play lan while the bloody mugger law went home to study.. avp was bloody fun.. i love the aliens!!! haha.. well then went over to ben's place.. took the wrong bloody bus and ended up at bukit batok over at yin's place.. haven't seen him in a while.. wonder if he's still on his sex-capades. haha.. yeah mugged with elaina, ben n some of elaina's classmates.. didn't really interact with the guys but ben was just so distracting.. idiot.. elaina n i were like.. urgh.. anyway now poor bennie boy's sick.. take care bro.. well i'm feeling better now.. talking cock with my buddies is really helping.. well lets hope tmr will be better.. wat to wear for formal dinner.. still think it's a rather bad idea.. but heck..

9/09/2004 11:03:00 PM

Sunday, September 05, 2004

[torn]had another one of those weird dreams again last nite. kept waking up in the middle of the night but everytime i fall asleep again the dream just seems to continue. it was just so real, hate it. and i'm having a seriously bad migraine right now, my head really hurts.. been getting a lot of migraines recently, especially when i run.. and on top of tt i get rather extreme chest pains too.. the doctors can't seem to pinpoint wat's wrong with me except for tt time they suspected tt i might have high blood pressure.. sheesh at this age, i dun think so.. anyway homecoming was yest, and it was sorta fun.. got to see many ppl, although i was busy running all over the place having to do work, hate being pres., but yeah still had fun talking cock n all tt stuff with the peeps.. the turnout was really impressive.. we had ppl from the pioneer batch all the way to mine turning up.. i think probably more than 600ppl turned up.. we were only expecting around 300.. haha.. anyway tt yew teng he pangseh me and went to zouk.. and i thot we were supposed to go en lounge.. basket haha.. anyway ended up at vista park wif alan.. talking lotsa cock till like almost 2am.. and i realised i'm really hooked onto bangra beats.. damn.. i love listening to non-mainstream stuff.. they really sound better than the top 40 crap..oh well.. shall go download more bangra songs n go to bed.. my head's killing me

9/05/2004 09:22:00 PM

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

i feel terrible.. i zhao-ed sch like during chem lect. and went back to ass.. i dun regret it but feel bad for disappointing miss lee.. but i wanted to see my buddies and get my cert.. oh well.. got to see so many old faces n catch up with some old frens too..i dunno why but i was actually happy to see everyone.. and although we didn't do much but i guess just being able to see n talk to them was gd enuff.. the kids in sch are really getting cuter but they are bloody beng n lian.. mungents and their weird sense of style.. anyway i'm happy so many people still recognize me.. they even still remember my talentime band zero.. even i dun remember the name of my band haha.. and people are actually competing and comparing themselves to see if they're better than us.. how cute.. in a way i actually do miss ass, it's not as bad i thot.. oh well.. now it's just a past chapter in my life.. can't wait for the home-coming this sat.. hmm.. shall go try to study now.. blog again later maybe..

9/01/2004 12:57:00 PM